this poem is for you, specifically

THESE ARE MOIST TIMES WE LIVE IN. IF
THINGS DON'T EXPLODE - THEY MELT.
ONE WAY OR ANOTHER, EVERYTHING GETS
WET. ASHES TO ACID, DUST TO PUS.
ONE WAY OR ANOTHER, EVERYTHING GETS
WET. SALTY SALIVA, SPERMY SWEAT

-

O9

out of body, not a dream. recounted

i have traversed
several levels beyond
my bodily bed

perched on a picket
single pinprick on a strand
of a wooden fence that
measures this otherly land

flesh weight remains in
the human room
consciousness both the
rider and the broom

when i came out of my shell
it wasn't intentional
3rd eye first out of my skull
an unfetteredly fall

flight was unsteady
my astral self somehow still
sacrum heavy

following my first confrontation with the would-be in-laws

daughter wept
the baby
lay in bed
blazing wet
their eyes turned
down on me
shoulders set
shields against
reasoning
secrets met
"you're messing
him up, you"
debt heiress,
intruder.
tomorrow
morn- regret
those of us
who might've
must forget
wont I learn
what is gold:
Silence kept

poem [w]o(e)men

red red feminine wine
seeping copper flavoured brine
well, im so fucking pure
if you cut me id merely bleed milk
and if you spun me in orgasmic whirls
from my clam id bleed pearls

...
o9

november 9 2009

hips inexorably rise

like a soft box or a floating cup

a receptacle for sour milk

cotton warheads and gummiworms

-
o9

nothing but rain

CLOUDS OF DIRT OVERHEAD

NO DRAGONS OR RABBITS

OR CASTLES TO BE HAD

JUST DARK, SULLEN FOG

PREGNANT WITH RAIN

CHALLENGING PICNICS

AND BIKE RIDES

HAUNTING THE DAY


-
o9

a poem that took four years to be written

BROWS STITCHED

NECKS STIFF

PENCILS SCRIBBLE

TEACHER'S DRIVEL

EXCEPT ONE

CALLED DUNCE

EYES CLOSED

PENCIL POSED

HEAD NODDING

DREAM TRODDING

ONE MORE

CALLED WHORE

LOW SHIRT

MR. PERVERT

LEGS OPEN

TEACHER'S TOKEN

HIGHSCHOOL:

EXCESS DROOL.

-
o9

love in the 3rd dimension

soft skin
dilated pupils
hot breath
rustle touch
loud fingerprints
and double wrinkles

words are efficient
but often insufficient
ideas are transient
the way to explain are limited
be fast be real be anything
do what you see
and what seems
to pretend is
to be


smile and let live
take notes not prisoners
take to to kid
kid

-
o10

prostitute||patriot

arthritis for the dead rigormortis rigged a stitch a quickened step a rush a wet spot in the bed a sorry a not and a worry a mother the mother of grace and her greedy little girl the baby the drool spit spittle spit-up sit-up chin-up get up stay up a slit a smooth one a clean cut a doozie a did amid a whodunit who was there a fever a hit high pitch a fast ball a fast track a race a rat a poke in the face a fetch a looker a street urchin a junkie a girlfriend a hooker tie the knot seal the deal sign and deliver stand or be eaten swim or sink or spin or sweat a taste the flavour do me a favour do me no favors be gone lassie rush hour traffic bumper to bumper a bummer another cold supper a recital tardy the no show the curtain call the 1-800 the voice the talk the talk the talk flat on your face a bug bite a scratch on the back a pat on the back a clap give 'em a hand my ain't they somfin' folks that's all all is well well, please say please say thankyou no thank you missus mister here is the roster all here who's missing teeth pulled a hysterectomy medicine for acne no preggo No too late to little sweet nothing feel nothing felt it but don't remember the time the times oh it doesn't matter not now not ere not ever not if i can help it what a good little helper a brownie a point a sash and a badge a ribbon a certificate a goodie bag a dollar or four another minute an empty purse a wallet and pictures scroll and a toll bridge a troll under this how many burned how many built a cookie a cracker a monster a master a lock a key a tune play the C get the drift log grab a brick out pops the toaster a little burnt but hey that's toast a darkly a scanner a fatter happily american after a starbucks a coffee flower no more power a race car driver 4 wheels suspension dual side airbags backward facing car seat sleeping youngsters tinted windows sunburnt eyes farmer's tans hicks hillbillies soccerstars and rovers on mars candy and popcorn movies and sex paper or plastic debit or credit he'll regret it a wrapper a condom he came too soon she felt it she liked it she didn't care then but she did when she puked a seedle a needle to fix the problem in time for prom dance get a good dress a matching tie borrow out last years this one will be different, rather, better i can't believe it's not butter(!) frenches yellow mustard as much as you want no calories ketchup catsup heinz #57 america the beautiful the spray tanned the surgery the bypass triplicate the newspaper the great fireworks for easter christ our saviour is risen he is livin' he is watching he is taking notes doctor the doctor you better go if you know what's good for you that's because you don't but he's got the saddle he's got the thermometer for pumpkin and chicken dinner winnnnner and any other holiday splurge splurge payday paycheck empty account maintenance fees gonna bite your ass can you put down the cash how you gonna pay rent you gonna write a check. mate

-

o10

(ignorace cycle) jaded stairwell. }}phase log

first i was amused

then i was grateful

then i was suspicious

then i was paranoid

then i was disappointed

then i was apathetic

then i was selfish

then i was confused

then i was frantic

then i was vindictive

then i was reminded

then i was bitter

then i was sarcastic

then i was amused


-

o10

power struggle

orange aura that's how i-you can recognize you-me burnt umber old and crisp stale and crackling carbonated vibrating colour of badly dyed blonde hair peppering and irregular orange peels stretching outward for appx. 4 ft. surging towards lights, flaring and searing me-you sit on my-your chest and your-my magic making hands try to make me-you dead & finally quiet your-my big orange, you-me, courting my-your dusty purple, my-your delicate lavender the colour of my-your voice fragility not it's a volatile hue & your-my hard light might try to smother my-your gentle periwinkle curls but did you-i forget to calculate the dark fuschia undertone, the harsh deep pink i-you keep in my-your core & save for moments such as these my-your colour second coming is not to be underestimated i-you look dipped in that strange dark but bright purple dissonace the colour is shining, almost like wet and i-you took your-my orange and electrical crimson offshoots into my-your great efflorescing envelope and fed upon your-my anger and reverberated it in royal waves

-
o10

obsolete- LUNCH song

so you always wanted to be a watchmaker
i delight in little tendancies anachronistic
they cut me from the same late driftwood
i should have been a cartographer

i often wonder

what will become of us?
the lexicographers the bread-kneaders
the grape stompers& the pistachio shellers

oh, my
boy i
should have been a cartographer
or a watchmaker
lurid is
every substitution; he is
tending towards the anachronistic
endowed with idle douceur


-

o10

i'm a

monkey poet

word baboon howling at the moon

in a windowless room

-
o9

cyclic purge. exercises

you draw me out in dumb

Something
You
Weren't
Ready for.
Love or
Loathe me
How did
He find me?
Entropy
In proximity
Illicit demands
Just
Need to follow
Obligatory,
No

No
Wonder
You Just
Heaved
Over
Ever
Lover
Heathly
Reminisce
I
Need
Sort
It
Lone

Jaunty
He
Was.
Ornery
Ever
Imbibing, 2.
How
Never
Life
Never
Ready
Love
Young
Ignorant
She

Silent
Jaded
Imagination
Oscillating
Love?
Hate.
Least
Not
In
Him
Was
Everlasting
Yes
Naturally
Resounded.

-
011

word exercises

1.
sarah
take
a
ticktock
in
our
nature

2.
nevermind
a
trick
under
real
estate

3.
emolliant
serengeti
til
another
time
entices

4.
evil
nonsense
treat
it
casually
enter
shush

5.
sit
hurry
up
stay
hover

6.
he
only
verifies
endangered
reasons

7.
relate
emigrate
alienate
serrate
oscillate
new-age


-
o11

calm she

i forgot we slept in until seven
so i'm on the proch
smoking a djarum you lent me
on the witching hour

earlier fatima came home while you
were out;
a thirty year old woman
wails into the pocket phone
fearing the life ahead alone

i couldn't help but listen
i walked out of the room
and into the kitchen
put water in a pot and watched
the bubbles jet and glisten
teabag; mug; pour.
then ten tentative steps towards her door

pause.
"i made you chamomile tea."
(YOU NEED TO CALM THE FUCK DOWN.)


-

o10

LOOSELY ASSORTED LOVE LETTERS: dubious duet; two incoherent poems

weird water wading
skating along in sand
slinky being
peeling the skin on the
side of your colossal nail


a fallen eyelash settles into dust
its lamenting whisper long in the hush
what delicate vessel is finally lost
a wish thrown to sea,
a watermelon dropped on a pointed rock

-

o10

the middlemost city

the only awkward he
was the one
cold to a degree
the first night in
middlemost city
strange
drink in town
will i even be able
to read this come
another morning
yes!
who knows whether fate
he's injected herself
into the equation
one question aptly posed

in this moment
in these
moments are
he in the new aware
is he now aware
i can say only;
beware this:
oh, forgotten the method or
opening the phone
what at get that there 4loko

got me punk with a dr.
easy good night
ought i neglect this
glammer tide
why did i wear these shorts
acid wash to the
foulest crotch
of wrong nobody deals

ME.

IT'S GOING TO BE AN INTERESTING GUIDE
WIND OVER WATER, BABY
WHO IS ADDICTED?!
YOU GOT IT THUS
SHE WAS CONVICTED
OH, YOU
SILLY RICH BITCHES
WHO'S AFRAID OF TURNING
THE LONELY PAGE?!
WHO NEEDS ANOTHER
QUESTION EXCLAMATION COMBINATION?!

ME.

JUST PRACTICE
BUILD A VERSE
WHAT'S THE
WORSE?!
BACK TO THE BOOK ABOUT HANDS
BURIED IN A BOX OF SCARVES
THANKS FOR LUGGING IT,
SISTER; DEAR.

wes

there was a man at the seattle bus station sitting on the steps eyes bloodshot looking extremely paranoid i asked if he was okay he'd been new aged just got to town for vacation poor dear he said his name was wes i told him mine but not that i'd say a prayer for him that i did while waiting in line and again on paper bless him and make him feel better and alleviate his troubled mind i hope he will be okay through the night he's sleeping in the bus station at the seattle bus station sleeping on the steps

financial salvation

small doses
kindly extensions of the heart.
i wish this wasn't my position
but i see my self
to the recipient
restitution is in order.
at times i feel suicide is
the only way to alleviate my guilt.
a complex, that's what they'd call it.
gypsy syndrome
"yeah, my family is fucked up."
that's why i'm a wanderer
looking for something no one
has been able to find.

deja

that's something that's crossed my
mind in more than one connotation
i keep a distance from many
they need not realize the severity
of my conniptions, connivances
contrivity. i am depraved in so
many ways, you see.

fifty nearly two k miles

fumble
incognito
forcible
travel
yellow
nihil
endo
and
rims
leisure
yonder
til
whensoever
older
kindred
million
issue
lordly
entrail
sallow

two points

"i'm officially drained"
i think apathy is a great danger to my generation.
"i have nothing to live for"
so go get yourself a baby, baby.

get out of your boyfriend's parents' basements, ladies! don't be afraid to live your life before it's even begun & remember, it's not a pet, it's a person.

not a man

nursery
wanna
holdin' on to me
not a man
not a man
nowhere and
everything
lack of the
intimacy knack

lalcoholady

well, the four or so days leading up to this cycle of menstruation were dark. my pms is getting ornery. i was feeling suicidal, in all actuality. i got drunk last night. coors, flattened, followed by a cheap vine. i bid my friends goodnight, kneeled in front of the porcelain vortex, took a photo of the bloodred vomit& spinned, as opposed to spun, in the bed. the first night of my period i didn't take a pain killer. i folded a towel under my rump & writhed, as opposed to wruth, a bit before it occurred to me to accept the pain & let it wash through me, so to speak. at which point it became in gaseous colors.

that big old clam shell from the hostel, i put my bloody underwear in it, crunched if it were paper, into a ball, along with the moonstone pendulum and the opal egg, and asked my pain to be: fill this instead.

street smart

if you're lost in a city
just walk calmly onward
until a resource presents itself

pfft

i can deliberately
forgo a succinct or sensical
discourse on vague feelings & notions
no matter anyone else want to read
my stupid thoughts
sometimes i hit it
most times my rhythm is off

repetition is the way to hell

so so so
repetition is the way to hell
the night goes by slow
and the night goes by though
and every which direction i look i see
his face and everything which direction i
go go go
repetition is the way to hell
the night goes up in smoke
and the night goes up though
and there's just a few things i never could believe
most of those ifn't my own are you

forgive me

forgive me
forgive me
when i've nothing left to say

you've given me dreams of persuasion
you've granted me dreams upon request
you've guided me subconsciously
and wont you yet?

barbed links

barbed links
he should get a medal
cancer, maybe?
a year in hellish
lady presence
ick. can't sleep.
faked talking aloud in sleep.
well. faked sleep.
definitely talking.
inventing
the dream of
elephants on iceskates.

gems of words

kitty paws
masseusauge
mah tummy.

i how i love
thou kitty
meow meow
nuzzle nuzzle
purr purr
whisker whisker
paw paw
slink slink

ye have been adorned with gems of words

TANTRIC PROPOSITION

why?!

WHY MuST I

JuSTIFY WHY

I DON'T WANT

TO FuCK YOu?!

oh, yeah. i know- it's more than that.

bullshit. half of it. my explanans.

successfully navigated past

paranoid 20 year old hopes

she isn't raped in the middle

of the night

as if i could begin

to explain my own

psychological hang ups

to any degree of objectivity

dignity eclectic

five-oh shifty. shifty flighty flighty.

big fifty. wearing a wig& sunglasses.

feel under the cover of eyes unknown but

she's still looking at me but not at me.

guy with an eye patch guy with an eye patch

had to do a 275 degree for to see for

my eyebrows must be showing above the lenzees

thank ye!

mac'n'cheese'n'collard greens'n'chicken wings

i can feel it moving

walked an hour in the wrong direction

went and bought it

BAD ART HUNG ON A COFFEE SHOP

WALL FOR SALE IT WOULD LOOK

GOOD IN JOANNA NEWSOM'S

STALL. CITY BEAUTY SALON

WRONG SHITTY MUSIC PLAYING

ALL DAY LONG SAY I THIS

HAIRCUT WILL REMOVE A BIT

OF THAT JADE. YEAH GET A

NOVICE TO CUT IT & DISCOUNT

PARTY STARTS NOW!

THIS SONGS REMINDS ME OF NOR

MAN STEINER. FUCKER.

FROM THE WEST DOWN TO THE YEAST

CHECK OUT THAT SOCK DRAWER!

CAB FEAST TAXI TO THE UNION

STATION LAST TRAIN TO BALT-

IMORE AND FAMATION.

LONELY CROWD SOUNDS LIKE

THE APPLE THAT FALLEST PLACE

I'VE EVER BEEN THE TALLEST

& THE LEAST EMPTY BIT THE

EMPTIER OF MES

THIS WAS ONCE A NEW PAGE ONCE

IT HELD A PRETTY PROMISE THEN

I WENT AND BOUGHT IT THEN!

no more muttons, sorry

everything deserves a curtain

a call though is up for debate

encourage yourself first

or else you'll submit too late

not even for a genius does time

wait wet is generally giving

though- so i encourage you

to pray. as the big whatever

for love & a blessing off

you go, now! smile- soak in

the day. the sun overhead

relentlessly watches. i

encourage you to act as though

you're safe

not a lover wifedry

be

elegant

my

yearling

future

undone

troubadour

usurpage

relinquish

emender

normal

oblong

magnificent

adjectives

indelivitant

not

on

time

anyway

lordly

of

voracious

embellishments

renig

wife

i

fucked

elder

dry

really,

you?

invest

damn myself

and damn him

relish nothing at

length

i remember

nothing as a

girl who was happy

be my future normal

be

elegiac

my

yardstick

future

umbilical

twang

underbelly

revision

ember

normal

overstay

relish

marriage

another

lay

twin from my last life

touche

winner

incest

normal wife

feel good

revel rebellion

obsidious

middle-

man

youngish

lover of

angelic

sinister

touche

love of

incest

feel good

every day

blister inducor

boy

lied

in

style

touche

enlived

rage

insipid

negligee

reduced

underway

count

to

only

remade

short life of pain stakes

just another

ornery morning

he rose in silence

neglecting to bed

she farefell

he left in fast

overtly evading

restitution due or

true demeanor

last night released

i was taken

for a naive lass

enveloped by his

oppressive hands

felt like a

perfect clamp

and warm because

it was made of

non controllable

seething fury and

teething rage

and i was the girl

killed in the wake

everything thereafter

seemed to blister.

self denial

box o' snax

i obliterated that

reduced fat

eleven servings

give or take

i have no

idea. back o'

box o' snax

i'd rather not

hey hey dr. girlfriend

hey hey careful- that's not sustenance. it's processed villain and condensed like plywood only slightly on the edible side you got a big screen for media immediately he just wanted to zone out and kill people. he'd been working all day. that's one thing to tolerate- pickup that beautiful guitar, rather, play. the best image to sorry relay why don't i draw now i'm not the only one who writes letters to exes. would they understand, the ones who share my past time. would they agree absessive ornery. not obsessed a bit but not with actuality none of mine come forth in the right order. a jerk he's hilarity. to much energy cupido in one place if i knew it was some kind of test i'd go ahead but i don't want to think so i'd rather let this go dead isn't that what out love turned stale needed the lyrics sooner a transfusion or of pulling down the vines hated me by the end i wrote accidentally packed it in i'm full of anecdotes and well this is a customary bloodletting not high art, no

quibble

power of words

arrange

god, please bless him

rearrange

bless god, please him

disarrange

that's not truth

it's spooky out here he said

yes, if you see it like that

no, i prefer to think is as

pretty little temporary

an anomaly of human

infestation, lit up by the artichoke

twelve oh five april five

on top of the hill

scintillating east bay below

scintillating as opposed to sparkling

the kind that his harsh

the sight is completely unlike

a firework

move a computer sky

which has upon it

fairy must. blurred eyes

if you want to see the focus

let by watery gunpowders

grand pure

a journalist writing the review

once again

all i say is

slow service is

no service, phew.

marlboro cigarette smoke would pour from his mouth and the outside siphoned it out through the car window he was beautiful

el. otteehf. oedngiui. bredhiout.

laklrmtshodurgowosudetptrernsa.

aimoorion huituhhaieae. mcswpfhm- atosiottcwhwb.

made space

guidance and help along the path i ask toward

highest for of expression i ask for blessing

to be a channel a vessel

the creativity i release my expectations and show me as i am readied

the things even ifn't especially what a pleasure though

a pleasure to thoroughly be a little lending relief uncondensed that's

chosen style it'll lose importance with the

rise of the morning

no void can be made in this time

found that'd be it

am i crazy for missing sleeping in your empty bed waiting for you not coming home the pressure and mockery of your sometimes gaze your pointed remarks that told me i'm human and felt bad about it i miss a smile and your nose too close eyes and our matching skin tones the sounds of your voice the way you tell stories i my you're kissing the back of my head in a shallow spoon

silver or indigo katakan eyes and excitement for alis pizza our reverence for hookah and relaxing under so smellable covers and hand rough flayed and bigger than the perfect size earlobes and pulling them with my mouth i want miss to show affection ist and i sort of miss not knowing how so when i could tell you didn't need it at times laying on you laying on touching on me feet under and eyelids breathing light as toilet paper when you sleep waking up while leaving caring when it was relevant halfway through the film taking shirts off unbuttoning the most gym shorts as pajamas over boxers sleeping in socks do feet smell stink no did i ever clip your toenails with lotion massaged those why do i always go

the point is i'm right

why did you have to exist to me

why is it i'll never not be aware

why is it i'm going to die alone

because i behave i leave you in

i'll grow too pale

because if i don't have you in

i don't have you

because if i have another in

i don't have you

i'll grow red and too pale

the point is

i'm right

i'm right

that's the fucking

point

others none can

why wont you strive for me

whatever it was i did that

i take it back is it the fact

exist, i wipe me clean, baby in the abbey

you're the only that happened

sometimes i think i'm a juno in mind

never alone like hera is this they called it

had already deeply considered that scary

word, hard to argue. then again i said

i love you because you said it first for whence

before you knew it was not a love in

what were you in pense others none can

always and inescapably somewhat sadly

how many ways to close hypothetical letters

nearly sure if it wasn't suggested to be insane

i'd be willing to accept it love in i only love you

i'll only ever love you as you precede all

i wonder if i'm on your pedestal, too what kind

or the universe gosh. gosh. hope. be safe or

happy getting there and feeling. catch your death
walking in the refrain it's like math, though.
the opposite of that i feel too terrible

to say it. sick. love is do you know digusting things

a fool suffering is a delusion

damn, i can't let nay man see this now

except him for i how not

damn it, depending, you mother fucker

you had better write songs about me

if i'm alone in this kind of suffering

well, that's some shit luck

did you burn the drawing? what bout

the clovers? i hate and love in four leaves

i hallucinated it all in an aura through

the hostel window you came close but not

so very close. i only saw, no other senses

were incloced. what do they call this

unrequited.

swallow it, swallow it

i lay awake at night thinking of

should not be named

swallow it, swallow it

gobble it up

oooooh it's easy

when you can

buy anything

to be happy

in this world i do not see

homeless people on the street

in this world i do not feel

earthquakes that bring nations to knees

in this world i do not hear

pets paws patter on a backcrete

in this world i do not smell

urine and burgers and tired

i this world i do not taste

acid in the rain or on the golden heat

what was it said

always looking under

shadow alerts her

this weed is diluting

i feel peaced out

neat rug distracted

my peripheral has faded

she wore a wid

all around

cooking up a

venerable feast

doth i recognise

the best a temptuous

memory

deja vu

i am fading..

of the vaguest cliff

i am warm

i see

my shirt

my halo

necklace

i am afraid while i

am writing

"you're not really there"

of the process

being seen

i

write it out

strangely

the fool ifn't ever was she

like a butterfly

she pranced through

san francisco

pausing for no one

and the streets

emptier at night

would echo her

voice by buildings

china without light

is a foreign hallway

bros 'n' jobs

dance avenue dance line

dancing down the line

just gwanna wersch

jealous? that was

more so than i could realize

doc to watch

zone out avec

i fine

slept with

photog

though it

was easier

clockwork

bad doodles none sense

wiggles

he had his neck beard shaved

a bee-yod.

look suits me more than once

i do not feel

like a slut

right now

yes i loved

but it was

situation

toxical

he was literally sick

franticallly licking

cats come to repetitive tapping

am detached

imaginary raddish

that have these are weird

circumstances that have

befallen me of my own

tying act life out of balance

life is not a science

it's dark, time to go back

someone used to sell drugs

currently battling an alcohol addiction

that's the worst

told him a bit about daryl & mom's

side of the family

wished himi the best on his move, ogden UT

need to pray for him

someone gave me five dollars

he works at the backpacker's hostel

a tourist passing

told him about the bikes for rent

fifteen bucks

good through the end of the day, man.

three others did it

someone sold me a crystal

smokey hued & a jagged rainbow inside

seashell shaped

told her it was lovely; professor thanks

six measly bucks

thanks. to the aforementioned

people persons deliver

need a room

a tangle of duress, gosh

i'm bleeding pretty badly

this must be bad for me

lack of a bathroom thing

i feel insufficient to live amongst all these people
i pray that you help me make it help me work it

being good as you say.
he is a doctor; they have a boat
the whole family is Christian to boot&
they seem to love in the pure
It's a big family-
strange, actually
the inverse of mine

just trying to make it
wanting love- a partner to cling to
with which to binge& to purge
a truth in the belonging
albeit slightly despised& desperately

oh, greg.

this one is exercising

that fountain is blocky

falls in rectangles

i'd like to work

so i can think

on the train

of

not known where

to of went is she gave

a space by friend no

available longer cheapest

depending maybe lien

there was something

. but he treats her wrong .

the other who

he well treated her alright

and perhaps another

chase. i used to work on side

daddy man is that it?

father-figure lacking

that's what i feelt

none suppor

mine parnen took to themselves

mother had a baby

dad married again a mouse

and abandoned

for a cult to another cult to a cult

he went with his father

and how was that felt

one austran said he could tell

there was some confusinf scene

in my parents bed

mom was standing over him

is this incident an all in lie

that is a dream.

rejecet it, i yet i am

in crisis dependent

never been good, you see

& i confess a toy

normalize

stabilize

things have been so shaky

and i have not been wise

the city ate up my money

why am i so blind

living as if money has

no value

but taking too much pleasure

in the sensations as available

toolds, but! books from

which to in the future

learn

& i confess a toy

the star

goodness, thank you

for being my support

help me to live as your will

i believe everything

is holy

and expression is a virtue

explorn

a safe place

cathedral, grace

rent benches as a service

and yet do we use them

the fountain makes me thirstier

i trust in the universe

i am faithful to following

fitful journey

sometimes have i wandered

no more

dearest i beg

i fear i cannot

done alone please

humble rejoice

your hand is free

observe, said the lord

and you shall see

listen loud laughing

see children walking

feel embarrassed why?

smell food under the horize wafted

taste done gum

smokers breath

bus trolley traffic

horns whistling

pulse

energy mass

streaming

of metal and plastic

these are and yet do we use them

life always starts looking better once i take my expectations out of the equation

darn those

i am at one of those places:

i've called everybody and

gotten as far

as the voicemail

wish

i could

wish

to in this

of disease

i suppose

a bench is for

just pace up and from out of it

down the street

i fish this

et all the might

thanks for

burning chill

somewhat involved

as opposed to

employed

some escapism

not as prevalent

as late, but still

the mood in which

desaturate

he

the one dispcable

i walk the streets

in diguise

no metaphor-

a wig on my wear

combat boots

and spectacles

paint my behemoth sized

nails and put on lips

a dark shade

mascara foundate

what is this vision

created

narcissist but

this is illusory me

a character i can

whenever play

nugh

i walked up the hills

to the top of the city

& gazed out at the sprinkled horizon

window spangled

i see bedrooms & offices

so many people living

in these highstacked

boxes, of various shapes

& sizes

nonetheless

the free-est are the ones

who cackle riding shopping

carts down these hills

at four a.m.

when fewer cars are out

who were the drnken

lovers against the worn

& sticky looking brick walls

of that tendrest loin?

i told them

poems to refine: gimmi your two cents, peas?

"the impound lot"

one classy joint
yes indeed
we'll be mocking the speed
by
fo ll ow ing

gallantry
superfeed
the night shift
black shirt with wings

Henry's


"met"
when off I'll have a ride if and when I want to
a peace symbol by learned youngsters
youngsters younger even than I
sit and address and watch the entitled
walk so purposefully by

felt no need from those
somewhat confused, strike me as a bit
bleak. energies perceived or conceived of wonders and
with a halt to motion I juxtaposed to the darlings' feet
there were two and then three but my
eyes saw one young
so the bodies outnumbered the minds,
there was He and then there was a connection-
eyes saw one young outside daunting time
smoke came out the mouths in peels. a little different message
in the morning the third cigarette revealed
"can numerology predict behaviour?"


"simulate"

i woke up this morning with a
wrinkle in my mind
leaves are leaving one at a time
I never stayed long enough to see the change
from green for good to grey.

we were told everything isn't what it is
but of it what you make
&all our damage is mutually less grave/
I could take the problems and
find a reason for each of them
as long as everybody is content to pray
to a man in a white robe and a solemn
groan for every mistake

I looked at my messy room for
a minute or two
oh, all these things I've accumulated
for pattern or colour or shape
So, this is my taste.
my softest blanket state feels harsh or lame
I lit another cigarette to keep me in the
thought of this
system I've divided and respectfully
named
oooh

I can't find comfort
in the knowing
we're not going insane
got to have a reason to keep
working when the money you'll make
will never buy you anything
you wont look down upon one day

ooooh
I don't know
Oooh if god is a good man
oooh i don't know if
his robe is clean because
he never left heaven
ooooh I don't know if I should give it more time
oooooh i don't if any other syllable
ooooooh
matched a colour
so
well


"--"
i hate the way you look at me so
intensely. copy my paperstyle& glance
down compassionately. unwelcome behav-
iour in my elitest company. sense of
colour& caliber shows in, bone structure
eyebrows are supposed to be sisters but
not twins.
i have fathers cheekbones, jaw, &brow
mothers complexion, freckles &
figure. who am i now?


"FUCK IT."
fuck it.
fuck it.
fuck it.
fuck it.
denounce.
renounce.
fuck-it.
start a ruckus

feet in the mud kinda religion.

so obvious, horribly obvious
he were as he
foldedly sat there
confused in his chair
by brain workings &thus
fudging them up.


"destination clover"
engage happenchance mode
press the killswitch if that is passable
bubbling with enthusiasm nightly
word to her customers
she is humbled to serve

her aim is greatness
the goodness gracious
bringer of mellow mood
a delightful duty dancer

wishes the weather were better
so she could enjoy her hammock in
solitude
to read or perhaps idly muse
giggling for imagination or
lounging with music
whispering profuse
profess
confess

"wiggle baby"
wiggle baby
wiggle for me
&look at you in confusion
even as i see

you're struggling to contain
that your guilt contrives
fear not dear I shall not
judge you
as I find you
out sights
view as soon
as you depart


"
i haven't
any
CLUE

ALONE IN AQUALAND

blue lights
toning me down

music no longer
timidly

a ROAR
my ears are your
receptacle

WHIRL
goes the room

vision vort hexical

"IMAGINARY VOICEMAIL"
i keep seeing this single
scintillation or the pop in the same
corner of my left eye lately.
anyway, i'm not sure
how yours works. i have the space
thing covered in a physical sense but
facebook makes all places relative, sometimes.
plus, my two weeks is probably worlds apart from
yours. i mean, you have jobs plural &social
responsibility whereas.. i.. well, two weeks
ago seems like last night yet this morning..
could have been several days ago. i dunno.
breakfast meets dinner& what was that?

i'm drawing so much& writing letters& poems&
songs& notes& reading& thinking& wandering
around my neighbourhood& cultivating my personal
brand of orison but.. those things aren't measuring marks.
they all flow into each other, you know?

yeah, i digress. i really just wanted to say i'm still thinking about you
i mean, i have been the whole time but i was wondering
what you think about that rather, curious slash hopeful
you might be a little as well?

your answering machine probably cut me off already.
k well, um. t.t.f.n.m.d.


"paranoid in the library"
Do I smell Strange?
Do I look a bit funny?
Are my lyrics too drummy?
Am I suddenly dumpy?
As I crack toes, fingers, ankles& neck
As my heart beats me to sweat

I am smelly I can feel it
In my brow& sternum
and my belly aflop unto my lap
lower lip hanging upper
some kind of creamy electric

God, what a whore
keep your head down
you pretty dumb bitch
shut up with your shit mouth
you croon in your rich

vibrate
have a tantrum hissy
let these words suck your chic-dick
laughingly quote suck my spike end-quote
in a rhetorical quip
phone home lady sissy
with your emotional mental
creative constipation

can't write?
write about
can't and the
write of the subjectively
defined concept
&association
get a laugh off it
feel the
bleed don't get
excited. i mean
that most


"retail position"
but i feel i need circulation tights
as i sit i feel cold& wet in my bones
feet& legs pressured on the floor
always resisting
if I were to concentrate on that
feeling my leg may
feel as though its planted
s t y l e
strange decorated girl
sitting at the stall
wall of thought
grey and marked up
the colour of smoker's fingernails
she clutched to her pen
unknowingly
falling
down the
vaguest
well



of
self-loathing it seems
what is this mood
i talk myself in to?


oy, vay
my hands are kinda rough
they feel so uncomfortable in the
library close quarters.

HIRE SOMEONE TO CLEAN THE BATHROOM
on the regular
& WIDEN UP YOUR HOURS
provide a hygienic,
seclusion condusive
environment for me to chill
&operate on this lower frequency.

tone it down, lady girl
cat woman can't fly here
she's too proud

this is the nook
cramped swamy cuntspace
punishing me for being
so damn careless
urging her to go home&
do the laundry
feel bad about holding up from going to the show
want to keep writing



my neck is growing stiff from this writing
i feel smessy melly

voices like engines
making miscellaneous sounds
crunching god knows what
girl lazily sucking on the
roof of her mouth
or chewing cheeks

slightly high means why be stopping
don't stretch your neck
rolling your head eyes closed mouth
open
cool books, outdated.

OUR GOVERNMENT SHOULD BUY
barnes& noble& distribute
properties to libraries
on the local

the hostage keeper w/his online vendetta
or ultimatum.
"we're the definition of a library."

since my orchestra conductor said
"why not be incredible."
urging us to master
our instruments& sing with them
why not so in any

just a lot of vague
stops and spots
justifying the rambling
with curious
handwriting

BIG BITCH IN THE SALESROOM.
Old Jack's theory on customer
service does not apply here
many are uneducated. i was
not trained, so I have sometimes
led astray
remembering wrong
maybe imaginary

BEAUTY EXPERT
crossitout.
this is something
to really think
about.

HOW DARE YOU TREAT US THIS WAY?

saving all my love for the one
wherever and whenever he may occur to me

for now i make motion in patterns
else act and am encouraged


can you look at everything as if it were art.. or pre-art?
and what does an idea owe its realization to one person? not. but to be seen as a bigger being, ifn't pure energy

follows a comic strip:

stupid song

what i want most
is to go back to before we started
got off on the wrong foot
if you wanted to call it lightly

and i'd tell you all about the truth
and see if you still wanted to love me

we could go back
we could go back
grant ourselves a do-over
and this time i'd tell you
straight-away my real name

i wouldn't ask about your birthday
because i know ours is the same
though i would ask if you have room
because i know it's a lot to take in

and all the love in your mind
should be a burning revelation
look at me
bring it to the highest expression
there's something genius about a
fool who endeavors to do this

what i want most
is to go back to before we started
got off on the wrong foot
if you wanted to call it lightly

and i'd tell you all about the truth
and see if you still wanted to love me

we could go back
we could go back
grant ourselves a do-over
and this time i'd tell you
straight-away no sadistic games

i wouldn't ask for a television
because i know it makes it hard to listen
though i would ask if you have time
because i know it's hard to determine

and all the love in your mind
should be a burning revelation
look at me
yeah, i think your worth the devistation
there's something genius about a
fool who endures the ruthless

i thought you knew i couldn't explain
anything with lasting accuracy but
this time you wont be able to say i
gave you more than you bargained for, baby

can we go back to before we started
so you'll still want to give your love to me
otherwise i don't know what happened

july seven two thousand seven

a poem:

I I I I I
flashes
black white blackwhite
blackwhite
cream brown no cream
brown creambrown
cream cream brown
greengrey charcoal
black
purplecrimson teallight
frolicking reveals
more colours with each
flicker
black and white becomes
more as light to dark
uncovers the truth
and the soul recognises more

why is a flame not life?
why do we then describe passion
and love and hate with it?
are the emotions, the deepest and
longest to linger
/or the shortest, perhaps/
why are they compared to the flame
if it is technically inert?
it dances with shadows and bounces off
corners and frusrates and amuses
she who muses
i warms her hearth
and is a centerpeice in our
oldest sense of home
it destroys like hared
deconstructs what it made possible
in creation.
it is true that a flame canno reproduce
in the animalistic sense,
or in any other organismistic (la)
sense
unless you count a spark catching
or an ember carried on he wind
a field fire blazing
lighting up an entire sky
flames licking more and more until
it consumes all and cleanses
the landscape
a flame is a mirror to a soul

hungerford house

there's a shadow the shape of a giraffe cast on the hill behind my house by one of the trees we used to have a playdeck built on
i'm conditioned to notice improbable figures amongst the shadows of this hill, for childhood nights whence sleeps were evasive
hardly deprived or annoyed me, for the grandiose and endlessly provactive hill often a silhouetted circus generously provided

as it were i've been lying in bed for probably three hours; i lost my notion of time beginning the day after i became unemployed
john waters the soothesayer leads me unfalteringly over and through what is by now a collective imaginations' stomping grounds
moments shared in a kaliedoscope of memorable emotions like old fashioned slide show pictures blockishly plop before my mind's eye
sporadically restless i might rearrange my limbs or alternate which side of my face pressures the pillow and mightily ask aloud:
help me sleep. i clarify the need in case my requests for vivid dreams were answered in an especially clever cryptic manner; Hence!
(perhaps) the single gig of a giggle once per an hour on recollected sight of whichever dear friend of mine laughs once upon a time
per an
per an
te he
per an

july first, 2007

Now I am want to ponder the inescapable
grossness of the mechanics of lovemaking(xout) sex.
[it seemed like a trickery]
I am want to wonder
if I will be successful in the derision of he clap,
or equal.
I have yet to decide, or do I want discover?
Wheher I'll make my bed yet sooner or later
and if the partner will truly be principal
importance is it something I need to direct
my energies toward?
Shall I break the laws of the lady and
take or leave the sex as a man of my
imagining would do, or am I yet too wek
to break through?

circa 2007 poems

nothing more than a glorified compass
what?

escapes
I pursue.

race-(xout)

by he finish
I still do not know

what is nothing more


-----

like a bird preparing to sing
who dies beginning to whistle

it has come to my attention
his soul does not linger

otherwise I would not so often
fail to complete a thought

-----

sauntered he, stumbled she

the funeral of the boy
from the bodies of two
he did not understand, no
command not used frequently, so

the day the boy hobbled into the road
no, could not save the boy
from the jaws of a careening truck

failed

did they not love him?

i cannot agree with my father when he says
they did not. they failed in the parenting,
duty it was theirs to learn the boy-
staple his brain! no

don't
go-

we wait for you.
(?edit 352011: for the boy i will wait alone.)

-----

a tickling in between my eyes at first
and a scratch on the inside of he bride of my nose
and at once as if a surfaceless balloon inside
my sinus spaces is rapidly inflated
and approaches the top of my skull or more likely
the bottom of my brain
the air inside the balloon must have an adhesive element to it,
part of my grey is
seized and forced to slide along the root of my
mouth and nasal cavities, expelled into the
atmosphere
adding what to the climate, I am unsure.

a sneeze is a queer thing

i do not do my weirdnesses justice

i am want to create myself in
a fresh brazen colloquial voice

unmasterfully,
sarah
*i may write about snot, thanks to the first of Ulysses.


-----

Upon Passing a Landfill.

decaying pass
excrement garden
choking winds
crinkling tendancies
marinated in the
incense of garbage
discarded belongings
unfinished meals
dirtied garments
and crisscrossed toiletries;
the marraige of
soil and the soiled
is consummated
with every breath
of the passersby

-----

today i helped my gigantic bellied mother pick the weeds out of the garden next to the driveway that is gravel. i dislike it, but enjoy people step onto it barefoot, which happens more than you'd think. they look kind of like they're warming up for a dance routine involving a lot of complicated footwork, and, apparently,
a lot of facial theatrics.
maybe it is to African tribal music because
they yelp and "ooh," "ah," "oh!"
and the like.

-----

alas

banter pant
that was not
ameant cannot
clarified nothing
it's obscene &impulsory go &
read:
ohi'llsadleaveonehind
manbetosomebe

life like
inadvertant compliments
mosey about &grooming
every so often
&take naps
spurtaneous indulgences craze
hiss &purr
words

cat
cat

6.6

the vanilla sky was ripe &i thought this was all too beautiful to last. i thought of newly named threats that were lingering all along supervolcano earthquake tsunami hurricane extranvaganza. I thought wow the clouds were darkish and purple with pink underbellies &a tiny fire was burning on a porch haphazard like. i thought what they could mean as they said "looks like a storm's a'brewin'." i thought it was fitting to write the letters a little differently at the end of a line or word; whatever you like.

the nature drug

sit down
bask in reality
fingers dipped
mothernaturespulse
wandrin' in circles
misguided by treez
listen to distant rivers
heavy whispers
like terrible bees

context vague

paranoiacneurotic
she arose to observe the room
&saw a tremendous shame
such a white, light thing in that
foggy maze
(the poet was drawn)
that toothbrush simply didn't belong there
how could it?
so she moved it.
to her purse
for it was a a less
conspicuous space

it's the weeds growing at my feet
&wherever I lay
the weeds were alluding

FOOL PARADE

[[this poem was wrought appx. two years ago after my current boyfriend and pal Jarrid and I rode a bus to a party on North Beach in San Francisco. The police came because there were no papers for our many open fires. An end came to the stupidity that was drunken twentysomethings playing lightsaber with pieces of burning driftwood. Everyone ran behind a giant lighthouse and waited until the coast was clear to pull out their bowls. I think there were six between fifteen people and we stayed behind that lighthouse matching and granting for a loooong while. The buses in S.F. stop running after a certain time and so when it was time to leave Jarrid, Kyle and I had a two hour walk ahead of us. I've never been in quite that headspace before or since.]]


the serpent girl on a clumsy trajectory spotted by unusual incidents.

1. steps on a small rodent the tiny bones giving way send reverberations upwards her leg.

2. dead bird found cold and alone given a proper burial lain under patio rocks; tear, unchecked.

she lolligags, loiters, lingers.
lethargy induced by the surreal-quality of her circumstances.

TO SARGENT

onedayescouldtea

wordnospace

tobreatheno

need

fort

hetimebe

ingimaginary

andincoherent

lyrambling

born to rave duck

i haven't

any

CLUE

ALONE IN AQUALAND

blue lights

toning me down

music no longer

timidly

a ROAR

my ears are your

receptacle

WHIRL

goes the room

vision vort hexical

destination clover

engage happenchance mode

press the killswitch if that is passable

bubbling with enthusiasm nightly

word to her customers

she is humbled to serve

her aim is greatness

the goodness gracious

bringer of mellow mood

a delightful duty dancer

wishes the weather were better

so she could enjoy her hammock in

solitude

to read or perhaps idly muse

gigggling for imagination or

lounging with music

whispering profuse

profess

confess

--

i hate the way you look at me so
intensely. copy my paperstyle& glance
down compassionately. unwelcome behav-
iour in my elitest company. sense of
colour& caliber shows in, bone structure
eyebrows are supposed to be sisters but
not twins
i have fathers cheekbones, jaw, &brow
mothers complexion, freckles &
figure. who am i now?

simulate (to be sung)

i woke up this morning with a

wrinkle in my mind

leaves are leaving one at a time

I never stayed long enough to see the change

from green for good to grey.

we were told everything isn't what it is

but of it what you make

&all our damage is mutually less grave/

I could take the problems and

find a reason for each of them

as long as everybody is content to pray

to a man in a white robe and a solemn

groan for every mistake that never ebbs or fades

I looked at my messy room for

a minute or two

oh all these things I've accumulated

for pattern or colour or shape

so this is my taste

my softest blanket state feels harsh or lame

I lit another cigarette to keep me in the

thought of this

sustem I've divided and respectfully

named

oooh

I can't find comfort

in the knowing

we're not going insane

go to have a reason to keep

working when the money you'll make

will never buy you anything

you wont look down upon one day

ooooh

I don't know

Oooh if god is a good man

oooh i don't know if

his robe is clean because

he never left heaven

ooooh I don't know if I should give it more time

oooooh i don't if any other syllable

oooooooh

matched a colour

so

well

met

when off I'll have a ride if and when I want to

a peae symbol by learned youngsters

youngsters younger even than I

sit and address and watch the entitled

walk so purposefully by but felt no need from those

somewhat confused, strike me as a bit

bleak. energies perceived or conceived of wonders and

with a halt to motion I juxtaposed to the darlings' feet

there were two and then three but my

eyes saw one young

so the bodies outnumbered the minds,

there was He and then there was a connection-

eyes saw one young outside dauntless time

smoke came out the mouths in peels. a little different message

in the morning the third cigarette revealed

"can numerology predict behaviour?"

one classy joint

one classy joint

yes indeed

we'll be mocking the speed

by

fo ll ow ing

gallantry

superfeed

the night shift

black shirt with wings

Henry's

LUNCH original

(the) dark is rising

i like your tree

read into my mannerisms
they were tense& quiver-some
talk yourself out of it
if you if you really
were in it like i felt
your texture gestures invading
but with a welcom
ing connotation

it'll be worth it

grow into it

wait,

wait for me

i've

jumped into

loveust

out of boredom

once-

or was it

curiosity?


thus

i was in i was

stuck

& the end was

longer

than the beginning.


i've

taken chances

with

romances

&

incidentally

have

stomped on

hearts w/out

once

empathizing.

5 5 5 3

you are an expected dream
so you have managed to permeate
& a texture of you punctures the
layers nobody has bothered to accept
despite open invitations long since
sent:
& once you might sense wherein
these cryptic confessions tears
have been transformed into
symbols chosen for decadence or
and regular flowing cadence
still
your eyes your eyes
they lacerated this net of
lies partly protective so i can
pretend i am confi
dent: insurgence
insurmountably i love
irrevokably the difficult laborer
of verbalizing
the things that've
steadily been eating we

lead: stream of consciousness scribble story

bad timing for the better
it occurred to me
later defined as aware
than one does not need a
vehicle; to interpret the
thing as a method to ease
was ashortlived belief
a moving closet the only
advantage
so when the lame man
mentioned
his market entry
i spewed an offer without considering
half the value
double my karma
[[flash,
document
this is now
a memory]]
so over a quarter i set
aside& the following
night i blindly bought
a namesake bike
skurvy ride; pink girly ride
well i can dig it
ka-ching was the thing
i rode in in track velour
the colour of a nearly dried
newfallen leaf
and presented my natural
figure to a fellow art
endeavortee
later to borrow
one long line for
a trafficish internet magazine
establishment i've successffully
passive i am glad to receive
& haven't slept since
could i lose this
during sleep NAW

freedombeautytruth& love

go forth and be salient
forever young
onward forward march
two-fold
above around & beneath
they naturally grafted
and thus they
bequeathed


birds in unison
(san feminine?)
checkacheckacheepacheepa
they barkedly
fled
and flew
& said:
absorb
lightsoundtastesmellfeelsense&
do

theme

ants are a voracious skin
crustacean like a
bulldozer; scent-propelled
she watched them roam
oh, if only this weather'd
never go
they all unanimously
felt a sheer love
in this
shaded breezes
buzzing beezes
and other
imaginary objects&
creatures

knife fight tonight

knife fight tonight could mean
a shining opportunity for cool
girl charades
she pauses to consider the plaus-
ible sacrifice.
can't have sounded too bad; losing
a hand or your head

the samoan was belligerAnt
obnoxious ignorant
noen of which enhance one's
demeanor
not even a little bit
being so foolish

endearance is limited for
the brute poisonous pig
stompa skinny white
emcee to the white brick
paint it with wankstar blud

boys intense energy & blind
as such dragging clunkish feet
across a collective of onlookers
embarrassment slowtinged regret

peel out like a lemon rind
soggy from clenched tooth
& chewy cheeks &
dick suckliness

why the phone went down the
foggy water greens with the
aspiring oreo
we'll never stand under

mother:

my thanks.
i kiss you
because i miss you
i struggle to be
safe
hold my hand &
e-mail often
ours is a bond none
other can begin to
comprehend (&
admittedly
confuses confused
little me

a book of four leaf clovers

inability to produce legitimate
gratuity & guilt
why for?
never shown never taught?
why can't it just be
an understood feeling
being human would be
easy
a drawing for your love
a good good one
means a day given
soley to him
like a visual prayer
tangible, there
goodness what if
love is only this
small steady tradgedy
turbulent flow

glee

oblivious with a pungent
drink in his dominant
hand. work clothed
baby boys

girl can't write
wont be saved for stupid
bad singer
you grow into it
actually

not actual as a
matter of factual

habivi

there have been plenty of men
but not a one really for me
few women, too, have i seen
(i mean, a) still something
important but unspellable keeps.
recently i have ignored such
seriousness and in fact with osmar
slept. looking back on such a boring
thing is difficult. he was mes
merizing but nothing more so it
isn't even a pity. we drove quite
far one night to dance sadly
for a short while; to drive back
and feel my hands for me. the
wheel was commander of attentions
i drove and wished i was alone as
he asked questions even though the
answers we'd both instantly forget.
eyes that penetrate like and demand
can easily become a joke
at least that is how i have seen
him. he whispered foreign senti
ments into my ear & spoke like
i'd known him much longer than
i had or do.

backjune

money's all runned out
pockets ring a little to remind me
a couple quarters only is a problem
ain't nothin' for such a pretty mouth
the male is enthusiastic but short or
inherently unfit for the union

oh, how appropriately comes this groan
a long rumble from apathetic humble shroud

her lies stink like an onion
they sting but go down sweet
second glances are a saving grace of
gradual proportions

you cunt

if you chalk this up to an isolated incident and externalize the blame you're an idiot

thoughts

butterflies
ruined by mariah carrey
otherwise
the wings SO delicate
the hardest thing to sift through
likea shy girl's singing voice
likea final goodbye
a blush on a freckled hello
a regular tiptoe
veins below eyelids
tiny earrings
mushroom pleats
hangnails and skin over blisters
the perfect forever serve
a soaring ballerina; a nerve

where time cannot touch
wine can sometimes mellow



attitudes forgotton
a too-fast spaniard
soccer hobby
encantantas? did i say it right?
if i pretend to speak it
soon enough i shall
don't you dare call me white girl
i know
those words.

________________

singular stoic
love bunch
drop boys.
to be happy is to be
gay, yes?
so stick with what you know
your own sex.
hush
don't feel
anyone
hard to forget
how you're made
to fit. but transcend
your puzzle; your
world is an
intellectual concept
anyway, fuel, be
re-al-it-y
this is ideas
not what is plain.
speak & be heard
quit the game/
sex never healed
anything
&can only be worth it if
you two are
perfect.
until then
to be
les-be-an(d)

out of body not a dream; funny beauty

Train Stations is my head
my neck&head bent forward in
time but not space. My body
has fallen asleep but not my consciousness. I feel magnetized,
powerless of will to turn around,
or pull out or so to speak/
balance harel between
mental & physical motion.
skin breach.

____

the bar is my brain
a dislodged fungus
afloat in head space
a caption for nonthinkers
busy and brilliant birds
for scientists
and gradual
life time learners

rocking on tiptoe
folding at armpits
elbows and wrist bones

i drink chai tea
the layers of spice
are the purring world
at rest


funny beauty

non rhyme

derelect dirilict? which
witch witchy what with when
was a witch as it were a whag
an sorcer ess a tick
itch
flames do. they itch
flames do it itch
flames itch, they do
for a witch
no go over moving water
an itch a burning itch
a burning witch
a symbol. paranoia manifest

____________

a real witch the
real raw deal
a real problem a pickle
sour and stiff likea stiffie
a oner with a b
rising declaration
a predicament
a preternatural dick
a real biggie
a real problem, a massed
a pickle

hypothetical talks. (lame play)

we can't go to the
petting zoo anymore
they had miniatures
and retards
deer and cute goats
but no fish
monkeys that were
regular but had
upside down hats tied
around their chests
and toy accordians
to be musical guides.
D minor for abrupt
stops. A for drop
and B flats for
stairs. something
like that.
most days i like to have
shrimp for lunch.
hangnails are a snack warm up for
snack time.
animals awl ate up

smoke rings & birth marks & sneezes
those little superfluous things
i get them. i see them first.

questions for the abuser

am i a muse? do i bring charm? do i leave you? have i made you strange? have i taught you how to hate? could you kill me, really? did i sort of ask you to? wont you yet? when am i finally gonna get it? you only gave half of it to me. i didn't even bruise. come on your hands, you can do better than that. bring those calloused fingers inward, push them closer. maybe i can pop like a water balloon. my veins are beating you. this game is fascinating. i feel nothing but elation. i'm a cat at your hands, i could lick you now.

(the) dark is rising - LUNCH song

the feelings i have at this moment
i can't take them seriously
never trust your thoughts if you are desperate
especially if you don't know why or what for

but..
this is another singular dilemma
i can't just ignore today's feelings because i
know they aren't permanent
being the practical hypothetical visionary

impasse

these dull post it notes, undusted ((all thoughts are
already there, only waiting to be (re)discovered))
still do not answer my question
(what IS my question?)

mostly though, right now i just need someone who gets this and isnt frightened by it

because they, too, know that tomorrow is a different day and these feelings always go away

make room for new expectations

notes to self, no note

i wish i could go on a never-ending
walk and smoke a million cigarettes
but i can hardly finish one. i'm
so far away from anybody i know &
there is no one here i'm ready to meet.

i can only collect so many leaves
even though they're all really pretty
my ledge is full of found things.
found to keep for colour. deep muscley
pink, greens like a yawn.

fat man's hug at a funeral- too fast summer

alone in a tentative home
air conditioning keeping my
feet cold &you only realize
it when you walk outside
how did it get so hot so fast?
last week it was surly and
overcast. balmy for only a
minute. spring here is so
transient, so subtle. i should have
loved the balminess more because
it's gone now. the heat is
like a hug from a fat man at
a funeral. i like hugs but i
didn't want one from him. he
snuck up from behind &didn't
ask. i can't pull out of this
embrace, that'd be rude. out
of my place. i don't want to
embarass anyone
i just wish he'd known his &didn't make me so
uncomfortable without escape.
it's like he's hugging me with
that purpose.

don't

hey. look, you can't call me beautiful.
i'd really refer it if you don't.
don't turn out to be a fantastic wondrous
person with a scintillating mind and
a lyrical perspective, either.
don't be handsome or endearing, for
that matter. don't have your shit together,
don't know what you're talking about,
don't be intrinsically artistic or
sensual and thoughtful to boot.
just don't.
i don't want to _ you. i don't want
to remember having oodles of fun for
hours on end because we spontaneously
ended up hanging out. i don't want you
to sit at my feet and smile your lips
like a V and touching my leg telling me
I am me. who I am. you can't
know or be so sure it's a good thing.
don't look at me like you're about to come
closer and don't come closer. don't put
your hands on my shoulders don't let
me smell how good you had better not
fucking smell. don't let your silent
breath move the hair on my face and
please don't don't don't
don't do that.
don't make or bust a move don't go
any further because i know i don't have
the strength to stop what'll happen and
keep happening once you DO

but you did.


_______


barely two weeks later
alone and half the nation distanced..
I didn't want to know
why I kept thinking
don'tdon'tdon'tdon'tdon't
please fucking don't

miss(ed) addendum

i must've missed the vibe.
maybe i tuned myself too too
a frequency high

maybe.. i missed the
letters between the lines
maybe i missed some
cryptic signs?

don't think of this as goodbye pt.2

never have to live up to the
seed of ___
planted..
I mistakenly
accidentally
without even trying
watered and i see
it grow & it is
a big, big plant in
this stupid hot-house.

daddy, you made me
come home

STOMP ME OUT
or whisper your others to me
in the non-quiet

and plant another
and plant another
for rows and rows

don't think of this as goodbye

he told me i was so so so warm
like summer in a body.
i haven't been as
hot as his proverbial
coffee pot since
unsure and tentatively
suggesting i was blistering
i miss not feeling lonely, just alone
i miss i miss i miss i
fucking missed something
a point?
i missed the boat
i must've missed the disclaimer
i must've missed the joke
I heard him say
"don't think of this as goodbye" but i guess
i missed whatever he meant to imply

i need to brace myself and
this journal for the onslaught.

I write your name over and over
backwards and scrambled and
regular. all capital letters and
cursive and bold. all the consonants

ugh.

GiRl

black mud~cramps, menstrual flavour
collected like at mass~dull pain
by styrofoam panty liner~bad heat
not deep enough~back, legs, belly
these unders are not fit~the spot in between
to carry a real sponge~inside, around
I thought I could take~groin encompassing
maybe~i'm fatter, for one
a coffee mug~it's maked me a water
but the handle is counter-effective~balloon. a lady
and my _ will only~sponge.
stretch so much~grunge. gross.
a cotton phallus~grunt. grouch.
with a tail for later removal~grit. gruel.
will again have to do.~grudge. girl.

one more day not a mother
the revelation, the reassurement

well, we all pay a certain price.

cherry blossom festival

a sore knee.
constant vague reminder
of the walk I took right away today
(and I did take it, as opposed to
having had or making made it)
yes. I had an errand &the place
wasn't so far as to instill vehincle-lust.
after all, this body is sturdy and
reliable. highly efficient; capable of
most things. so I took me a walk
&for an hour or so I fully appreciated
my receipt.
later after meeting my parents &the darlingest
mote sister we were dans
the district capitol &the day was bright
and optimistic &appreciable, just as it
had been from the start. staying
thankfully a little while predictable.
up &down our gang endeavored and
oh, all the variety of amusing sights (&the
morphing phiz apres phiz apres phiz...)
was like a stream of water,
fluctuating pressure.
altogether comprised six or seven hours
taken &oh yes, my knee does echo their splendor.
motion excursion
a rote, the joint lets out, like a tender
felt siren
my flesh and cords and cartilage
coins and jelly bread roll -
me remembers.

clippings

risk hockey or lisping and mocking. koo kaw
minimal hiccuping he raised a toe nail &cleand the underneath w/
his fork's prong
terrible learned fix a pullstring doll and a
regular slow morning relectant &
all wrong and
I still am overtly fond.
the clippings lie like what they are
cilicious half-felloes scattered haphazard
bloted worty cauls
precariously poised, but
poised nontheless
keratinous sercles slightly yellowed like
old photographs. some are headed for the wastebasket via the fold of a
napkin. other will meet the carpet &spend the rest of their time
quoined by the heels of the feet from
which they were liberated.

does a mirror warp if left out in the sun?
days and days of hot sorry heat
the kind that can redden skin and cause it to blister
or is a mirror mued to melt back into sand
since sand
if it knows nothing but itself and the sun
is a mirror for distanced eyes?
but then, a mirror has to be a little more
than glass. what greentaupe rheum
is responsible for the quality which specifies
mirrors from windows?

playtime

a string in my arm
this echo is also a tinge
ectoplas------m
an electric chord
it sings quietly &the
right of my bottom is
aching it feels like
the stretched middle of awellworn drum
&the canchersore i've forgottOn
is there any other occasion which calls for a
finger to press like so & shiver?
stranger still is it for the girl who has in-house neighbours
press, push, squeeze everything, but hush that nefarious sneeze.
call yourself to silence.
(i suspect a slow conditioning.)

found poetry (last) same source

powerful _______________________________________ widely
----------------------L -- S -- D------------------

The drug does have the power to expand consciousness & to make one aware of a fundamental unity of all life processes

helings pwers of inner areas of the mind
imagined_____________________exist

large-does technique
personality.

PEAK EXPERIENCES, MYSTIC OR OCEANIC EXPERIENCES SO PROFOUND AS TO REMOVE NEUROTIC SYMPTOMS FOR-EVER AFTER

high purposes and goals for the searching within are essential to safe passage.

{{good life.

found poetry (again) same source

ceremony.
bathed -- freed -- attitude
communion
--- -- comparable to the coming
--- -- tradition
using peyote to talk to jesus, not about him.
curious - sacred - mushrooms

--- -- eating

vivid harmonious colours
-- more than anything ever
The daughter reviewd
- ----- strange history
supernatural -- --- -- entwined,-
religious *

stimulant psychic
___ __ cult

described ' '
have seen things which I don't believe I could describe to you in a million years. I was not here in this room. I don't know where I was, but I was in some far-off place of indescribable beauty. The colours, the forms

beyond description.



FOR HE MIGHT NOT WANT TO COME BACK.

overdose/amanita muscaria/impossible return

found poetry - same source

death body
-- search withdraw
tried
-- series
--- consists
-- --- influence
classify -
recommends supervision
idle basis
sincere
spirit

--- widespread
-- practices
--- buttons
-- tea
--- illness consumed
-- pray
--- charm
last ______________ hours
contemplation
--- -- - ----____ritual.


{the Cedar Chief who is in charge of incense.}
healing -0- cleansing -- wisions
_________________mystical experiences
_________________believe
others _ communication
powers of introspection for correcting faults
guidance in making decisions of all kinds
((confined to advanced practitioners))

peyote, mushrooms, & LSD (found poetry)

the doorway into unconscious
complicated --- private
--- experimentation
--- -- field
experiences
--- -- -- limited
observation, listening
--- serious
touching -- illustrative
dangerous.
spineless greenish
rye fungus open the unconscious
--- -- -- investigators -- modern
some -- research -- conducted
--- -- derivative.
mentioned -- stimulation -- described -- sen-
--- sations
unusual colours after
--- -- defiant
--- -- accused

--- -- buttons
likened to experiences -- takinga combination of
marijuana -- cocaine -- heroin -- & --
wood alcohol.
condemn --- -- --- habit
--- -- - suggested
consider - -- ---

out of doors

i'm sitting on a felled tree
the bark is missing or what's left
is like old scabs still attached
there are tiny squiggly lines
carved on the bare parts
little stars & dried up rivers
these etchings must be driveways
these small holes, insect homes

do they hold water?
i see outlines for the broken
letter unfinished
keyholes
baby windows

a ribbon ere red
is now a saddened pink
light and heat and rain
made you this colour; so weak
little tie what meaning do you hold now?
who sees you there, anyway
brushing the greyed leaves of ground?

the sky after noon is expectedly blue
cornflower variety
bringer of warmth that endears my
bare arms and slowly builds in pavement
my naked feet feel this
my eyes go down only to avoid large rocks
& other offensive protrusions

dandelion
you're accurately named
a yellow mane
glue inside, white water life
king of the lawn
risilient.
a constant and
repetitive accent

the world is my porpoise
oysters are for small talk
i prefer more mundane comparisons

having not taken a course in art history I am completely unqualified

I hang that calendar for the art
it's a rotational poster
& now it's from the wrong decade
I write in it sometimes anyway
birthdays, naturally
& the occasional
BRIAN is back in town.
it may not be 2004 but I don't
even ever check
EGON SCHIELE's March man in a
yellow chair looking out over the hebetude
all the while the pink cuff & other limpid
habiliments speak in levels

having achieved timelessness that man
appears to be impatient
caravansary wallpaperings? maybe
I'm just getting the wrong impression.





such a lovely chair.

TARRY

actively improving my posture
seize every opportunity to recline
as long as hunch or slouch cannot be applied
this is fine.

give a little
lose a little
is that what they say?
Anyway
while I'm at it I thought (postulate?) I better not either
lie. be egotistical. manipulate. obsess on
a boy.
should return that shit alarmclockradioipodcompatible.
doesn't charge the ipod such a
waste. need the money for other stuff
these things I've beeen doing &
for good measure also eating on a
full stomach raking the lawn for
a reason to be outside & move hard
napping from two 'til bedtime
showering thrice
using windows for paperlight,
doing drawings long promised & overdue
making lists for no purpose writing letters
with no intention of keeping in touch


shoulders back
chin up

the perks of having a fashion magazine subscription

i lied on a survey today
it's just that they were askingt such
questions irrelevant. what cell-phone
or computer or car brands do you
recognise or better yet indulge
N/A wanted but N/A
&others like what clothing designer
specialty/dept. stores
akhem, WAL-MART?! (we know you.)
travel? pleasure?
cruise company?
business? airline?
hotel, surely.

No, none of those.
how insulting ~~~~ but by completing
I entered WIN BIG MONEY SWEEPSTAKES
hooray.
whore, lay.




heel.




stay.

lost valid

it's like we listened to the last song

his airy voice went from the beehive

into my tiny confused mind

you wrote me a note

warning of incomprehensible

jealousy; the streak that led

me to convulsing?

as each idea that presented

itself shrunken and naked

was more horrific than the

last

you wrote me a note

the ways to guarantee

your hatred in a cramped

scribble it spoke and

your stupid scrawl made

me feel stupid like stupid

was how i would always

feel for you even after all

the laughing and the fighting

the struggle to cling a little

longer the incensed biting

in the wake of violence

i can only continue to

want you and i am

only reassured that it was

only only only only

just the right thing.

the morning after a hurricane is

no time for word slinging.

word stool

i used to write notes like a boss or a bitch with nothing to do but spit on a wire and admire the shit i could writ exhaust the shit lament the loss of my fucking fit hot dog soaked in lime makes a rather tasty brine; i mean if you're going to be self-deprecating you may as well be defecating and processed meat marinated in citrus should sound like a treat make your visit quick, make it soggy and make it slick MAKE IT RIP let the earth tar slide out that hole like a caramelized mole runs from a child's stick or hot sauce [that vinegar chile juicy juicy hit] may or may not force the exodus but as long as you're backwards puking chime and dust YOU MUST YOU MUST remedy the ultimate suffering that is waiting blankly & not pretending otherwise c'mon you guys i'm just trying to rhyme

[i'd like to dedicate this poem to the people who don't like my poetry.]

oh, no! i don't think i'm ready to be disillusioned

- i need you because i want you is that the right answer?
- it was until you said that.
-i told you you'd hate me

(gotta get that note, that unabashed cacophony of the truest words as they struck me that didn't have any answers only more reasons to reject me; I can't remember how not to manipulate anything and is this not self-preservation? remove the shit or remove the fan or we're all going to be sporting icky freckles.

* tear it, crumple it oh but don't neglect it
it can lie like a torn up cripple by the garbage
but never so far as to actually BE IN IT

oh, no! i don't think i'm ready to be disillusioned, as long as it has a tolerable smell i can live with anything the problem is that i taught myself to tolerate everything and i can tell if i'm a saint or insane or plainly lazy and i fear -fear the way in church you hear them say FEAR- all 3)

babbling ant's inner dialogue

i came across a line in my little time and i thought:
a line then i melted to my knees an inquisitive being; how do you say
NATURALLY my inspection revealed the line does not exist
and this epiphany i couldn't resist or revisit
when lines disappear there is nothing left to measure;
not ethics not morals not guts no quarrels
and i think that once we are stripped
the last things we carry are jokes doubts
and questions we can't bear to ask
on the slight chance
there could be an answer

and that is why i walk backwards

hereditary

nomatter
how sexily
my hazel eyes do
slant or how
much like
razors my
cheekbones
protrude and how
wet & by all
calculations, dick
sucking lips
do pucker
or how
impossibly
like a bow
they might
curve, how my
dimples flicker
or my white
skin may
shimmer and
my voice
dips low &
wit flows
the glances
might be
compelled by t
his to follow
as they usually
have
if all goes
according
to plan
it will all be
without taste
because
if not yours
these assets are
ludicrous and
all too
blatant
and i am
still encouraging
nothing
but my own
bitter
bad
homeless
poems

and i hate all my homely toads like my own
and they are mine
and they are mine



and we will be fine